Dementia 101, but first -

What I handled today:

- assured a demanding family member that the maintenance coordinator would come in on his day off and unlock the human resources office so she could have the two article of clothing that someone put in there for her sister - why anyone thought this was a good idea, I do not know and why this could not wait until Monday, I do not know. Why no one else had a key except an off-site person, I also do not know. I am just the sales and marketing person.

- cleaned up dog vomit in my office. As though we were the honorees of this offering, Koby, our house dog, decided to walk in, open his mouth, and throw up right at our feet, while I was talking with an adult son telling me about his dad's addiction to alcohol and potential difficult move to our community. Enter Koby. I'm talking a mountain of debris-laden mucousy vomit. I excused myself to do a quick clean-up as discreetly as I could considering it was at his feet. Of course, there were no gloves to be found in a community that uses hundreds of them every day, so I improvised with a vinyl trash bag and some paper towels. Then I took my seat at the table, trying to appear unrattled, and said, "You were saying?".

Today I met with two families who have the exact same circumstances - a spouse who is reluctant to let go. They don't know how common their situation is. I'ts not my job to connect them. I wish it was. M's dad is military mentality. He believes he should take care of his wife forever and if he doesn't it reflects poorly on him, yet he is suffering and wearing down. In his weak moments, he calls his daughter and says, "Ok, I'm ready," and off she goes, researching communities. Then mom, with vascular dementia, who mistakes nail polish for lip stick, who has enough going on to cry and say, "don't take me there," will sabotage all the work gone into getting dad some relief from his situation. He cannot withstand her tears. And so the situation remains unresolved, until a crisis occurs. I am not always convinced we should try to assist families in engineering a resolution. Sometimes I think there is a plan already in place that we should be more confident in and if we let go, we would actually enable that plan to take effect and therefore bring about the resolution. Sometimes I want to say this to our corporate types, but I know this is not the marketing plan they are looking for.

Later today I served coffee to M (another M) in my office while I had my soup. I like to get her coffee. She takes it black. She says she is "hardcore". Whatever is bothering her can be soothed with a cup of hardcore coffee. I won't see her as often after today. She is transitioning to the memory care neighborhood. It was inevitable. It's not the word finding, so much as mistaking the elevator for her bathroom. It is not the diagnosis of dementia that compels the neighborhood, it is the behaviors. Some people think it is a place for wanderers - or the opposite - "for when you can't walk anymore or do things for yourself". I want to give a big class in long term care 101 and dementia 101 or "What is your dementia IQ? There are so many misconceptions I can't begin to tell you. When I talk to people, I am listening for where they are in there knowledge level. There are low levels of knowledge and there are misconceptions. I LOVE rewiring people's misconceptions - for good.